Current mood:

contemplative

That was the weekend....
So I started the weekend seeing someone and now I'm single again. The self fulfilling prophecy is fulfilled though I'm still a bit shellshocked about the whole affair. Wasn't the prettiest of breakups if truth be told and I'm still reeling from the negative aspects of the thing. Still, I can fortify myself by reiterating that it was the "right thing to do" (tm). Inevitably the conversation tracked from "what's wrong" to me being completely dysfunctional and a bastard. Maybe I am. Hard to say when you're this subjectively involved.

More disturbing though is my oldest (and probably) best friend from childhood. His mum has a brain tumour which they are going to have to operate on. News which is disturbing on multiple levels. This is the guy who knows me better than anyone. When my mum died of cancer he came down and spent the night with me. We didn't wind up talking about mum but his presence was a big factor in me staying as together as (well as together as is possible). The good news is that the tumour isn't growing and they should be able to remove it. But it's a taste of mortality that is hard to deal with and my fingers are as crossed as they can treat her. And I don't want to see my friend's world ripped apart. It's strange that when you're young you can't wait to get old. But you never realise what being old actually means in terms of what you have to deal with. If we knew that then none of us would want to budge from childhood. Then again, my own mum dying taught me more about myself and humanity than I could ever have learned on my own. And I know that she'd never want me to be a victim about it. There are times though, when I'm low, that I think about it and have a cry. Things like that make a person wonder about religion. Even though I don't believe, the idea of her looking down on me is an appealing one. And that doesn't really scratch the surface of how I feel about the whole thing. Maybe when I have an hour or two I'll write it down and try and explain what my mum meant and still means to me. In the meantime I sincerely hope that my friend's mum can be treated and he doesn't have to face that day.