Current mood:

tired

Questions, impulses and listlessness
I spent the first two days this weekend in Newcastle (that's the north east of the country). Didn't see much as I was working silly hours trying to impose some form of tenuous order on the project. Which I think I've done now. Wasn't particularly happy with sleeping in a room full of whirring computers (or rather not sleeping) and the fact that the plane back was propellor driven. Even less happy with the fact that 2 months into my job the company is merging with another one. So what to do? I haven't been doing what I joined the company for which is disappointing. And into the bargain the promise about leaving me my weekend has already been broken. I am still on my 3 month trial period so there's a week notice on each side. Tempting tempting tempting. No one has come out and said who is the senior partner in the merger or whether they intend to make cuts. So there's quite a large tract of gray area.

Added into that, with my new single status I start looking at the kind of random impulses which have always tempted me. In this case the chance of moving to live in Amsterdam. "Moving to live in Amsterdam". It sounds so simple doesn't it. Of course it's not. It involves quitting this job (not that difficult). And then the choice - do I sell my flat or rent it out. And here's the gamble. If (as I believe) the property market has maxed out and is due a correction then now is the time to sell up and take the money. If not then selling up effectively removes me from the property market forever. Set against that is the hassle of organising my life so I could move abroad. I've been through this without the fun of home ownership before and it was no picnic. Though of course, Amsterdam is easier to pop back from than Tokyo. And pulling me onward is the lure of living in a vibrant city full of open minded people. How many chances do people get to do this kind of thing? I remember regretting the chance of working in Silicon Valley when I got back from Tokyo. Am I really so happy here that it's worth staying? Would I really be so happy over there?

Questions without answers. Or rather half the answers that would be obtained by choosing one of the alternatives. It's times like these I understand how mutable and unknowable the future is. And wish there was a manual for operating me and my part in it.

And so to the massed empty seats of the audience out there - what do you think I should do?